I Have Seen The Whole Of The Internet: 2011

...I meant tortoise...thanks Keith.

Am I ever going to reach 600 Facebook friends? *sigh*
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I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had
the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.

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Wishing all you readers a joyous day of over-indulgence. May the sprouts be with you.

“I want a baby doll and a waterproof with a hood and a pair of gloves and a toffee apple and a gold penny and a silver sixpence and a long toffee.”

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Thanks Martin Slymy Symington

Thanks Noel McPartland

Thanks Peter Timperman

It is suggested that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following:

Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty gas Can
First Aid Kit

Booster cables

I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning!!!

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