Sunday, 12 July 2009

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8 Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour a shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek, and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little sucker's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill.....

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

That's what I like about a dog!!!



  1. Mannnnnnnn so true. . lol.

    Takes both Isti and myself to administer their medication. One of our boys. . the Zappa Pierced my skin through. To see his claw come out the other end of my skin, I nearly fainted. . lol

    Isti was laughing whilst unhooking him xxx

  2. Chazza, I find the trick is to pretend you're petting them then quickly squeeze the sides of their face and throw the tablet down - they don't know what's hit them.

  3. Do you remember that Norman Wisdom movie. where these gangsters were trying to drug him, make him swallow tabs? Same with our cats, the tab keeps reappearin on their tongue. . Lol. One complete nightmare. . Lol xxx

  4. I don't remember that one, Chazza but I know what you mean - you have a look in its mouth and let it go, only to spy the tablet being spat out in the corner.

  5. Actually you can just grind the pill up, mix it in some cat food, and the cat will eat it. not very hard to do.

  6. Anon, I've tried that before, doesn't work on cats from round these parts. They know.

  7. not that hard to pill a cat. and working at an animal hosptial, i've met dogs that are equally hard to pill.

  8. If your cat needs meds, get them in liquid. Sit on the cat, (gently) force it's mouth open, (gently) put eyedropper as far in as you can (quickly) and squeeze medicine out. Most of it goes in. The cat will lick off the medicine that ends up in it's fur, thus completing your goal.

  9. John - Cat killer!!! Oh sorry I read that wrong...Cat piller!! ;-)

    Anon, what a great idea...until it starts shaking its head at a million miles an hour.

  10. My cat refused to have anything to do with pills (As his liver was steadily failing), and the easiest way for me to give him the 2 pills and antibiotic stuff he needed twice a day was to come up behind him and basically sit on his back with my legs firmly holding him. Then I grabbed either side of his snout, tilted his head back (thereby opening the mouth) and did my best to drop the pill right down the throat.

    Other wise it was retrieve pill, retrieve kitty, repeat.

  11. Ariel, cats are sneaky, he likely coughed it back up hidden in a hairball :-) Hope he has mended.

  12. This is hilarious!

    I keep hearing horror stories about pills, but my kitty actually reminds US when it's medicine time - he gets a couple of treats, then he sits because he knows that we're going to drop the pill in his mouth (getting it to the back so it doesn't taste nasty) then he gets a few more treats thrown around the house 1 by 1 for him to chase and pounce... he even comes running for foul tasting liquid medicine when he needs it... I guess we're lucky that he loves the treats and the playing so much that he doesn't even care about the pill.

  13. E, I'm beginning to wonder if it would be easier to try to wedge the pill up a cats' ass instead of the mouth.

  14. My cat likes yogurt, so I grind the pill up into a spoonful of yogurt and smear it all over her mouth. Cats hate being dirty, and hey, she likes yogurt, so she licks it all up. Voila! Pill taken.

  15. I find it easiest to do these steps:

    1. Put pill in cat's mouth.

    2. Hold mouth shut.

    3. Blow in face.

    4. Apply bandage.

    Reflex will usually cause the cat to swallow when someone blows on its face.

  16. Kyla, that sounds like a plan but I know ours would do the faster than the speed of sound heading shaking thing and it would end up on my face.

    Ectara - that's nearly as complicated as the first one :-D

  17. The trick is to hit the swallow reflex, it's a bit like the gag reflex finger at back of throat and you can't help but gag.....swallowing is similar so get the pill in deep and get cat swallowing. Some bravery and practise required, but understanding the biology helps understand the objective more fully!! (And I'm English so the spelling error is actually a correct use and spelling of the verb to practise, not the noun practice!!)

  18. Monica, up until now, we didn't mind spelling mistakes on here...what have you unleashed?

  19. I use a product called "Pill Pockets." It is like a hollowed out Tender Vittle. I typically lead with the "crunchy one" and follow with one with no pill. My cat George just eats it right up.

  20. Anon, I must admit I had no idea what a Tender Vittle was until just now. A breakfast cereal for cats in a Ready Brek style packet.

    Our equivalent in Ireland is Brekkies. Don't think we have pill pockets either....I'll hollow out a Brekkie myself.

  21. Wrapping the pill in a treat worked fine for me...

  22. Nestor, I wrapped the pill in a blanket and tried to force the cat down its wait...

  23. we got our cat Poppy to eat pills. She ate the dog's tranquilizer. See, Yankee the dog used to bark non-stop whenever we would go anywhere. We wanted to go to the drive in, but didn't want the yapping dog to make the neighbors berserk. Again. So, my mom put a tranquilizer in the dog's food, a can of alpo or something. And we went away for the night, thinking the dog would get knocked out and be quiet for a change.

    when we got home four hours later, Yankee was barking his (hoarse) head off. The dog food was gone, though, so we figured he must've managed to eat around the pill...until Poppy the cat came along, wobbling and saying "mraaow" "mrraaow" in a wobbly voice, her eyes crossing and uncrossing, and her staggering like a drunk across the kitchen floor.

    so, if you want the cat to take a pill, hide it in the dog's food (must be wet food)


  24. Noogins, that's priceless, thanks for sharing the REAL way to get a cat to take a pill.

  25. I love it. I've not succeeded you. i can't get hairball medicine in him either. I had a cat previously who who would sit up a beg and almost rip my arm off until I gave her the malt flavored goop.

    This cat almost ripped my arm off trying to get away. When I tried salmon flavored, it was even worst. I think I have the only cat alive that doesn't like fish

  26. I always take one of those little containers of butter that you get at restaurants, scoop the butter out, hide the pill inside, and give the cat the butter. They never notice the pill, and you get the added bonus of a hairball-free cat.

  27. I tried the liquid thing and then had to chase the cat with a wet rag. She ran around the house creating pink foam like crazy for about 15 minutes. Thankfully we don't have carpet! Let's just say I recommend against cherry flavored medications now.

  28. Anons, it must be down to the individual personality of each cat, there are so many methods here that don't work for anyone else.

    Amanda, I have that crazy vision in my head now, hahaha!

  29. I have two cats.
    One, a largish 22 pound tom, is one of those cats that simply wants to live in peace. He'll meow plaintively when I approach with a pill but he'll sit there let me pop the thing into the back of his mouth..holding his head up so I can stroke his throat to engage his swallow response then look at me with a hurt look on his face. On that one he's been taking lessons from one of his dog buddies he goes for walks with.
    The other one, a year old queen, is at the opposite end of the spectrum. She was born feral, rescue kitty you know, and regards everything as dangerous or food until proven otherwise. Worse, she's smart as a whip. First cat I've been owned by who learned its name in less than a day and that at 6 1/2 weeks of age. What takes less than a couple of minutes with the tom takes half an hour with her. This little thing, runt of the litter, a whole 5 pounds maybe can spit a pill a yard without effort. After that she's gone for the day and won't let me near her. (I pity the local wildlife cause that's when she decides to go shopping for her food outside.) The trick is, so far, to grab her first thing in the morning and slide the pill down as quickly as I can until I'm sure she's swallowed the thing keeping her mouth shut and stroking her throat till I feel her swallow. Incidentally, explaining to her that I have to take blood thinners so biting and clawing is out is met with a "so WHAT" expression followed by a look that can only mean "if you value your existence then don't try to force that thing down"!
    Other than that she's a very affectionate, cuddle loving little thing. Cute as a button too. To look at her would you'd never know how miserable she can get. The local mice, rats, moles and various other creatures would tell you different I'm sure!



  30. I wet the pill and work it into her fur. She cleans it, or some of it, off. After years of trying, without success, I've given up. I could get it into the back of her throat, but she held it until it dissolved, and dribbled out the sides of her mouth. This is a lot less stressful for both of us, and she gets at least as much of the meds as she did before.

  31. John, yes that validates my theory that every cat is an individual. The little rascals!

    rosichan, hopefully whatever she doesn't ingest, sinks in through her pores, lol.

  32. oh boy do yall have cat problems... i agree with Ectara on difficult kitties.
    mine fights some but its really easy to put my fingers to the back of the jaw(which prys his mouth open) then drop the pill on the furthest back part of his tounge. It works every time. I find that liquid is more difficult because it gets everywhere, stains and he gags. So pills are my friend. you just have to realize that you have his mouth open and carefully reach into the back of his mouth. job done!