Tuesday 4 March 2008

Demon Encyclopedia

If I go to hell will Dagon employ me?

Weird encyclopedia

Via Knuttz


  1. Ah sure Jasus, I know him well, it's Pat, Pat the baker.

  2. Sparkling brightness fills my eyes
    Freed from heaven, hell, all lies
    Lifted high above the fray
    Of Christian-Muslim wars, the gray
    I know the peace, the love, the bliss
    The carefree world of atheist
    Where moral values are the best
    Held close to heart, tight to the chest
    No devil-god to intervene
    With threats of torture, hell unseen
    The atheist is free from fear
    Knows the truth who is the seer

  3. Paddy - his bread is so fresh he's famous.

    Cyrano - is that a polite way of saying, wise the fuck up, there is no hell?

  4. It's not a real weird encyclopedia - there are no entries for 'Satan' and 'Lucifer'.

    Fake, must've been published in China.

  5. Istvanski, you're right. Beelzebub is known as the Lord of flies, and Beelzebar (not mentioned) is the Lord of dung. Definitely not mentioned is Beelzebarbub the Lord of the shitflies.

  6. The Devil gave three choices to Dave a new arrival in Hell.

    Dave looked through the first portal where he saw the most unimaginable torture going on- it made him cringe.

    Through the next portal he saw souls being boiled, roasted slowly over hot coals. The screams were unbearable to listen to.

    Through the final portal he saw souls standing - drinking tea chatting to one to the other - up to their necks in shite. Dave turned to the devil and said "this one seems grand, compared to the other two. I'll take it. You're lucky said the Devil, there's only room for one more.

    Really said Dave feeling a little chuffed with himself. The door was opened, and Dave stepped in quickly, he heard the Devil say grab a cup of tea quick, the tea-break is nearly over. Dave did, and being quite thirsty gulped it down rapid, or "rapit" as we Dubliners say. No sooner had he finished when a voice came over the loud-speaker. "Tea-break over, lights out, back on your knees you shit wallopers.

  7. Sean, being a farmers daughter, I'd choose the shit walloping option any day.