Tuesday, 22 July 2008

Quotes from child support forms

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father’s details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed).

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had It replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son’s conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A’s dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I’d have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart.



  1. Joanne! These Are Some Immaculate Deceptions !

  2. They sure are! I wonder if any of those forms are from britney Spears? :-)

  3. Fuckinell - some of those parties must have been quite something!

  4. Unfortunately half of these sound like they came out of my school...lol x x

  5. Two words describe these claims;

    "Chavette" & "logic".

  6. Rockmother, I've lead a sheltered life. Phew!

    Chazza, I think we must have went to the same school.

    Isti, do those two words go together?

  7. Catholic...All girls school?

    Those who left school without qualifications left school with babies unfortunately. . .x x

  8. Catholic but boys and girls. What a shithole...lol

  9. I've heard number 7, only in the version...."No idea, the fleet was in town that week."
    I heard it from my girlfriend during the baby shower. I had to leave because I wet myself giggling.

  10. Leeann - at least she's honest!